Just to go back home, oh yeah,
my wife will tell you some days
she was ready to leave me.
I just got, I got so intense about
things like say, you know, like I said,
little stuff, like the wastage of the food and
things like that.
I can't go into big crowded areas
anymore because I get so uptight.
I've got to keep my back to the wall basically
all the time because you never know.
It's almost like a type of paranoia.
Bad enough I got hearing losses to start
with so I don't hear everything
all the time to start with and
I don't want to miss what's going on
and I'm getting to the point where
everything is all the same noise and
it feels like, it's almost like a form of
claustrophobia.
You almost got to be up high again because
really that is what the UN does,
kind of sits higher, kind of watch things
so you want to be the tower watch keeper,
you don't want to be the one on the ground
in the middle of it all.
You want to be able to act, react and not,
I want to be able to act and not react,
I guess would be a better way.
I used to just, my anger would snap
like that sometimes. I couldn't control it
and it wasn't my wife's fault,
it wasn't the kids,
it was just coming out at them.
Luckily I'm not violent that way so I would
force it back onto myself and
I was very self-destructive for a long time.