Struggling with Reality

So there’s a few things coming back to civilian life. And again I bring back this word, shame of leaving the military. I am weak. Like if you look at me I am a strong individual. I am strong, I know I am strong. I could go to the field right now. Inside I could be crying but I know my frame will take it. But I cannot do, that aggression is so much for me because I do have an incredible power that is numbing to the brain and it hurts. So going back I have shame that I left, no my boys won’t like me and that’s not true. They have all messaged me and I am so grateful so there’s reality in this, I don’t want this to be just a sad thing. Now also, who am I? What am I? I am not a soldier anymore and I have to get rid of that because a lot of my actions are based upon what a soldier would do. I am not a soldier. I am a Veteran and I hold that dear and that’s why I work really hard because I want to pay homage to my mentors. But I am not a soldier and that’s very, very, very difficult and it’s very strange and that’s why I became an entrepreneur because I know for a fact that I have my high school on credits but I don’t have the education. Infanteers, combat indicators and section attacks and picking heavy things up and being efficient with weapons and being selfless and sacrificing your body aren’t skills that are needed at Walmart or Starbucks where I can get a job and that’s it. Please don’t take me because I don’t have the education, I’m not competitive. White collar buildings won’t take me because I’m too intense and too abrasive. And my leadership style is different and I don’t ’blend well. That’s my own business. So I’m encountering these because I am trying these things. I am trying to integrate really hard but it seems like I intimidate people a lot or I do fly off the handle and then they step away. Brittany is always my rock so it took a really long time for me to, I don’t know, just to adjust. And I’m still adjusting because I can’t turn it off but I can change perspectives and process events slower and do my best and that’s all I can do. So frustration, it’s frustrating to be intimidating, it’s frustrating being an infanteer, its frustrating hearing the amazing stories of civilians and their cool fun journeys and I think about while you’re doing this cool fun journey I was having fun and I’m not going to say this in any light. But I was learning the phrase, “kill, kill, kill!” and grit, group, range, indication, type of target. I was learning about stand to’s and how to stay up all night and how to dress light and freeze at night. You know what I mean? So when I come back here I am like well and when I open this business even, I had this utopia idea, I don’t need to jack anybody up. We are all like, we got running rod, we are good to go. I can create a utopia and I don’t ever have to be master corporal army again. But because I did that as a civilian I was a poor leader and they walked all over me which caused me great frustration and I had to hide my mask because I couldn’t show them what a jacking actually is because then they would leave and I would get probably charged. So there’s a lot of like I don’t know who or what I am supposed to do ever and I am just like I have koa’s (?) now but I’m at year two of retirement and I’m still not even close to like fully being ready to be a Starbucks clerk.

Arthur shares a powerful response to the emotions felt and the difficulties encountered in return to civilian life.

Arthur Larimee

Mr. Arthur Larimee was born January 23, 1986 in Edmonton, Alberta. Growing up in Alberta and being involved in sports, Arthur always understood the importance of camaraderie and with this, was drawn to the idea of joining the military. With the Princess Patricia’s Canadian Light Infantry, Arthur trained as door gunner. He was a weapons technician and deployed twice to Afghanistan. After his second deployment Arthur left the military and together with his spouse Brittany, a fellow PPCLI, fulfilled his aspirations of opening a gym with the desire to have a place for countless service men and women to come together for support both mentally and physically, maintaining that bond of friendship experienced during service time. He and his wife have opened a clothing line and are proud entrepreneurs of the Iron King Gym Ltd in Kingston, Ontario.